tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
