I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
