i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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