Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize