The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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