so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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