some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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