I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
