I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
