So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
