I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
