you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize