Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
