the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
