Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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