Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
