I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
