Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
