There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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