... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
