the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
