My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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