I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
