He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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