you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
