The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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