this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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