Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
