Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
