My balls are so social today.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
