When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
