new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
