you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
