SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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