He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She bit a glass in half.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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