I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
