I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
