so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
