dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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