the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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