just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
