so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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