I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Never joke about your clitoris.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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