Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
soo... how was my night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
