My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
