You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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