We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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