so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
