she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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