I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
