Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
