You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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