my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
