she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
