did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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