just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
