oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
