I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need water and some morals
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
