I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
should my penis look like a turkey
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
