OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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