nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
