Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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