either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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