Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
