I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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